Dimitri the Lover: SideMan Exposed

In my book The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware, I list the seven types of men on the dating scene, who are dead ends as lovers, mates, or husbands. They are actively seeking a relationship with you, but are unable to sustain a happy one, for you. SideMan is one example.

SideMan is already in a relationship with someone else, and he either tells you about it up-front, or allows you to discover it on your own. If he tells you about it, he says he and his wife/live-in girlfriend live separate lives and they don't have sex. If he does not tell you, and you discover it, he says "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to lose you."

SideMen are abundant. They are looking for variety. A little something on the side. To spice up their day. Let's take the example of Canada's infamous Dimitri the Lover. He was a physician who came on to his female patients and lost his license as a result. Here is his explanation:

"At the time, I was married. And my wife was sexually dysfunctional, I had not had sex with her in a year and a half. It was a very tough time, I was very horned up. And I was busy, between that and working, so for me it was easy to hit on chicks that were patients."

Let's dissect his statement. He had not had sex with his wife for a year and a half. He blames his wife for this, not reflecting on how he contributed to the situation. Instead of attempting to fix the problem at home, he points the finger at the "dysfunctional" wife. As a physician, the only solution he could find was to get it on with women on the side.

"It was a tough time because I was very horned up." This is a plea for pity. We are supposed to feel sorry for him. This makes it all right that he abused the presumed relationship of trust between a doctor and a patient. But he was busy, so we should understand.

"And I was busy, between that and working . . ." Between what and working? Between being horned up and working? Too busy to sustain a mutually fulfilling relationship with someone I'm married to, or get out. So I will get off on the convenient slab of flesh at hand, my captive audience. Hey, it happens to be a patient who is depending on my services as an ethical practitioner. But I'm strapped for time and my horny little Willy is calling. Can't you idiots understand that?

". . . so for me it was easy to hit on chicks that were patients." Yes, it was easy. Some were ill and vulnerable. Besides, these patients were "chicks." What an educated, enlightened way to refer to the piece of meat you are hitting on because you are so horned up. Chicks and bulls. The poetry of the SideMan cannot be surpassed. He will bring you flowers too. But remember, you are always the action on the side to the SideMan.

PMS Queens on Parade

In my book, Booby Trapped: Men Beware the Dirty Seven Sisters, I describe the seven categories of women who will make a man’s life living hell if he is trapped in a marriage or relationship with them. The first category of women is The PMS Queen. She is the self-entitled diva whose mood-swings go from bad to worse. Stay out of her way and do not get involved. Back away from the PMS Queen now.

Two celebrity examples I cite in my book continue to provide validation for my observations: Mariah Carey and Naomi Campbell. Luckily, neither of these drama mamas are married now. This is understandable, due to their impossible-to-live-with behavior. I describe several examples of their complete self-absorption and lack of empathy towards anyone who does not choose to bow down to their demands. Now I have more examples, showing that the Dirty Seven Sisters do not change, will not change, and the only way to deal with them is to avoid them.

Mariah Carey, for example has been known to hold up traffic in the US for hours over the wrong color nail polish. Recently, the UK Daily Mail ran an article entitled: “Viva La Diva! Mariah Carey's outrageous demands for a dog chauffeur, 100 pairs of shoes and a £1,000 throne.” Read the entire article here.

In it she says, “I don’t think I am demanding enough,” after she had made the following demands:

--11 bodyguards to surround her restaurant table so diners can't see her eat.
--20 humidifiers around her bed.
--A $100,000 antique table, covered with silk cloth, to scribble upon, flown in from New York. She sat on a $2,000 throne and was surrounded by roses and butterflies, for signing autographs at a department store.

When accepting her role in an upcoming film, budgetary constraints meant she would have to travel to the location on an economy-class air ticket, rather than her usual first class or private jet. She agreed ... then bought every single economy seat on her flight, and travelled alone in the cabin.

She insists on wearing high heels at all times, and has even been filmed in her stilettos while using her home-gym equipment. "I can't wear flat shoes," she explains. Thus, while making the video for her recent single, Mariah insisted on being carried around the set because her shoes had left her feet in pain. "I was in agony," she explained. "My high heels had left my feet bleeding. Laugh all you want, my feet hurt."

Keeping people waiting has been a part of her glamorous rep. In Paris two weeks ago, she arrived almost three hours late for a press conference, by which time most of the media had given up and left. Mariah then stayed for less than 30 minutes. In England, she cancelled a breakfast show interview because “I am not a morning person.” Her self-important tardiness is legendary. She once arrived 90 minutes late for the Capital Radio awards because she had broken a fingernail.

Naomi Campbell is another character in my book. She recently spat on a police officer at Heathrow airport. She was handcuffed and dragged away screaming. She could not find one of her three carry-on bags. The flight was held up for more than an hour because of her PMS Queen antics.

In the past she had assaulted two assistants with her cell phone, flinging one at the back of the assistant’s head and causing lacerations and the need for four stitches. She had also been sued in 2003 by a former assistant who alleged that the supermodel had thrown a phone at her during a tantrum in a Beverly Hills hotel in 2001. The aide also claimed Campbell grabbed her by the arms and threw her down on a couch.

In another incident, in February 2000, Campbell pleaded guilty in Toronto to an assault charge for beating an assistant during the making of a 1998 movie.

As MK says in DListed.com, “Once a crazy bitch, always a crazy bitch!” Don't think they will change. Naomi has been to several Anger Management classes. They haven't made a dent in her PMS Queen Diva behavior and possibly never will. Men beware, she and Mariah are celebrity examples warning you about the legions of PMS Queens on the dating scene today.

The Alimony Trap: Enslavement for Women Too

In my article on Heather Mills below, I discuss how women drain men of unearned and undeserved funds through alimony. But men are not the only victims of this form of post-marital entrapment. The number of men receiving alimony from women is on the rise. And it may rise further as women become the primary wage earners in many marriages.

John David Castellanos, a former star from the soap opera "The Young and the Restless," is one of the these men. He gets $9,000 a month from his ex-wife. Joan Lunden's ex-husband received $18,000 a month. A non-celebrity shop foreman syphons $40,000 a year off of his marketing executive ex so he can maintain his antique cars.

"I don't understand why someone becomes your financial responsibility just because you married them," said Mr. Castellanos' ex. Joan Lunden also commented when she received her alimony court order, "Why the courts don't tell a husband, who has been living off his wife, to go out and get a job is beyond my comprehension." In the case of the shop foreman, he has a job but he still makes less than his ex and therefore is entitled.

Alimony is not child support. It is the money handed to the lower-earning ex-spouse. It is court ordered and can go on for years. It is one of the most miserable consequences of a wrecked marriage. It is also one of the biggest reasons to take the subject of mating very seriously.

Child support is understandable, but alimony abuse is a manifestation of greed. If the outcome of a "love-match" is financial gouging over many years, it s nothing more than enslavement.

In my book, The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware, I discuss a category of men whose sole purpose is to find a woman to parasitize. He is the YAPpie, the most abundant category of men on the dating scene. The YAPpie and OLman, another category in the book, drain a woman financially and emotionally before they move on to their next victims.

Romantic dreams can turn into sickening nightmares as you write out the monthly alimony check to the man who was once your husband.

Hollywood Marriages: Short and Sweet?

National Public Radio New Orleans interviewed me soon after Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney got married, oh so romantically, on the beach. NPR asked me if I thought the marriage would last. I said, “No. They don’t know each other well enough. They haven’t spent enough time together. Between his gigs and her films, they saw each other a total of six time before their marriage.”

The interviewer was not happy with my answer. He said something to this effect: Kenny is a nice guy and she seemed nice. So what would be the problem? I reiterated, “They do not know each other long enough. Marriage is not a movie-set ceremony on a beach between ‘nice’ people and that’s the end of the story. You have to be able to live with that person on a daily basis.”

Now, of course, we know that the marriage was annulled and lasted only four months. She didn’t know he had certain sexual preferences. This is more common that you would think. I devote a chapter in my book, The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware to GuyMan. GuyMan is one of the seven categories of men on the dating scene that cannot sustain a loving, complete relationship. In this case, GuyMan is the gay guy who has not accepted his gayness and desires to appear straight. Then, one day, his wife come home early from work and finds him in bed with the pool guy.

Hollywood marriages are laughable because of their short duration and mammoth price tags. Let’s not call them marriages. Let’s call them publicity stunts to keep stars, and d-listers alike, in the headlines. They are impulses of the moment turned into cinematic dream processions and displays of opulence.

Now we have the recent break-up of Pamela Anderson, after her recent 3-month marriage. We have had Britney’s famous 55-hour marriage. J-Lo’s previous 10-month marriage. Drew Barrymore and Tom Green’s 5-month marriage. Lisa Marie Presley and Nicholas Cage’s marriage that lasted 3 months. Cher and Greg Allman’s marriage lasted a total of 9 days. They tied with Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman, whose marriage also endured for a whopping 9 days as well. However, the prize goes to Robin Givens and her tennis instructor, whose marriage came to an end on the same day they got hitched.

Material Girl: The Heather Mills Example

In my book, Booby Trapped: Men Beware the Dirty Seven Sisters, I warn men about the seven types of women who will make their lives a living hell in a relationship setting. "The Material Girls" comprise one of the seven categories, which I break down into three sub-categories:
--Gimmie Monie
--Pretty Penny
--Thingie Wingie.

They are all self-centered, self-entitled, and empty-souled, but today I want to address the most calculating of the three: Gimmie Monie. Gimmie Monie's motto comes from the Beatles' song whose title is her life obsession: "Money." "Gimme money, that's all I want."

Ironically, Heather Mills and her recent divorce settlement with the Beatle Paul McCartney, is a great example of this type. $50 million is not enough for her. She is squawking that she wants more. She dumps a glass of water on McCartney's lawyer's head because she feels she is entitled, simply through marriage and bearing a child, to exorbitant, unearned sums.

In Booby Trapped I cite examples of other women who have glommed onto men and expect millions because they have trapped a man into signing the marriage license. A recent case comes to mind in which a housewife divorced her corporate executive husband and demanded $48 million. She was rewarded this sum even though she cheated on her husband and left him. What was she going to do with that money? "Travel and find myself." He was the one slugging it out in the work-world to create this wealth and she was the one taking it away, unearned.

A man can spend the rest of his life paying for the mistake of falling into Gimmie Monie's clutches. Alimony laws allow for unfair distribution of wealth in many cases. I have talked to, or received letters from, many men who are straining under the alimony they are paying to gold-digger exes. Gimmie Monie and her eventual alimony reward will make the few hours of happiness with her in the past seem like a sick trick played by a mischievous universe.

Paul McCartney was booby trapped by Heather Mills. Do not underestimate the destructive and greedy qualities of women who will take advantage of the legal system and drain a man like an eternal parasite.