How to dress for a summer date

Dressing for summer dates requires planning. Bad choices can create a first and sometimes lingering impression. Maybe that first impression is wrong about you but now it's too late. 

If you are a woman and wear a spandex miniskirt with a visible thong and a tube top revealing 3/4 of your ample cleavage, your date might think your lifestyle includes the occasional orgy and that you have plans for him too. Yes, it is warm out but that doesn't mean you have to Let it all hang out.

If you are a man and you wear a tank top with yellow stains under the armpits, it will immediately show that you are a slob.

Now that summer is approaching and the temptation to let it all hang out is upon us, think twice before you commit to too much "show and tell" on the first date.

Here are some tips: 

Be discreet. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your breasts. But when we make them the focal point with the clothes that we wear, the guy will make them the focal point with his eyes and sometimes his conversation.The same goes for men whose pants are hanging so far off their butts you're afraid they will fall to the floor any minute and leave his whole backside exposed.

Leave the gym clothes in the gym bag. It's not date material. Even designer running suits that look cute. Save them for after you know each other better. When you show up in a track suit, it looks like you just don't care enough.

Dress for the date. This can be difficult if you have no clue as to where you’re going but don’t go out dressed for a formal dance if you are going to an informal eatery. You’ll feel and look out of place which will hamper your mood for the evening.

Don’t flash underwear. Ladies keep your thongs inside the jeans. And men don't show your latest Calvins for all the world to see. Your date will wonder who else you are flashing. And if you are showing your bra straps or your undies, they at least better be clean. Nothing is worse than seeing a sprung, tattle-tale gray bra peaking out from a tank top.

Hair neat. Funky weaves, unwashed greasy hair, bad hair extensions don’t give the best of impressions. Go for a hairdo that won’t involve you fiddling with it to keep it under control all evening.

Smell good. And I don't mean slather on lots of cologne to cover up BO because you didn't make time to wash up after a sweaty summer day. Funky odors don’t belong on dates. It's hot outside and people are going to perspire so make sure you are clean and don't smell like the dumpster in back of a fish market or two-week old fried onions.

All of the above suggestions show that you care enough about yourself to set yourself forward in the best light. They show you as a person with self-respect and as someone who will be a pleasure to be with in the future.

How to ask someone out on voicemail

If you don't plan your voicemail messages, you can sound flighty,disorganized, or incoherent--not the best impression to have on record. This is especially true if you are leaving a message to ask someone out on a date.

What you need is:

1. Forethought: This means plan what you are going to say and what results you want.  Don't ramble on an on as if you can't get it together. Show you have a plan. Don't repeat, "I want," "I need," "I, I, I." It sounds like the message is all about you instead of the person you are calling. Leave your call-back number in the first sentence or two. Speak it slowly. Then repeat it at the end of the call.

2. A quiet spot: Move away from shouting voices or industrial noise. It will sound confusing on the machine. Dial from a quiet spot. Don't compete with bulldozers, jackhammers, train whistles or other background noise. Find a peaceful place from which you can talk instead of shouting.

3. Brevity: Get to the point instead of talking around the subject. Voicemail is not the place to filibuster or go into lengthy discussions. 4. Keep it short. Tell who you are, what is your subject and what you want them to do.

4. Smile: It will be conveyed in your voice quality. Studies have shown that people can tell by your voice whether you are smiling or scowling.

5. At the end, give an idea of the best time they can reach you. Repeat your phone number. 

6. Smile as you say goodbye.

The 4 Rules of Attraction

How do I attract someone into my life? When it comes to sex and relationships, "attraction" means different things to different people. Some women find the bad boys with problems attractive, some men find the cute little silly girls attractive. Those things are a matter of taste and cannot be fully explained. But here are some general rules that can make a difference:

Appearance
Look like you care about it. You don't have to be Halle Berry or Tyson Beckford, but look like you care about yourself. As good a person as you are inside, the exterior is what most of us notice first. If people pass on you because you are wearing dirty, torn sweats and have unwashed hair--they never will get to know the great person you know you are.

Attractive looks will only take you or your mate so far, of course. If the only reason you are with a person is because they look good to you and nothing else, the attraction will get old and die of its own accord. But it makes sense to make an effort with your appearance, because it shows you care about yourself. At least cover the basics:

--Hair groomed (no dandruff all over your shoulders)
--Clean teeth (no spinach, meat, or gunk between your teeth)
--Fresh breath (do not smell like a week-old pizza with all the toppings)
--Clean clothes (BO is not a turn-on for most)

Other items are "in the eye of the beholder." For example, a guy wearing dress socks with sandals and shorts turns me off because it looks like he is clueless. But he might remind another woman of her father and she loves that feeling. Or, I might learn that he is clueless about clothes but knows how to take care of a woman in all respects.

Vibration and Energy
A positive outlook will draw in people that reflect the positive things that you feel about yourself and life. All of life is about vibrations and energy. Sex and relationships are no different. If you want to be attractive to people who want to live the same positive life you want, you radiate that positivity first. I don't mean be Pollyanna from Joyland, just optimistic, inspiring, and someone it is uplifting to be with.

Security within yourself
Find a way to be secure and grounded. Needy, desperate people telegraph these vibes. It is not attractive to see a clingy, insecure, person who fears being alone. It’s not attractive to place the responsibility for your happiness on one person and get it solely from them.

Don't Front
We all have a tendency to put on our party manners during the dating period, but the reality is that the ongoing attraction is created by getting to know the real you. Don’t pretend and start acting happier than you actually feel--your vibrations will betray you.

Crying over a Man: What's up?

I was with a woman who was crying over a man the other night. He had been cheating on her for most of the relationship with two different women and she finally found out. She was crying a lot. Most of the day and night--and her puffy eyes bore witness to it.

But she wasn't crying because she was hurt that her guy was a creep. I expected her to feel upset about the betrayal, the deceit, or being taken for a fool. But she was upset because she wasn’t with him anymore. She missed him. She sobbed, "He's the center of my world. What am I going to do now?”

I meet a lot of women crying over their men but:

--It’s one thing to cry over the betrayal and be angry about it.
--It is another to cry about the fact that you’re no longer with a guy who treated you like dirt.

Anger
If you’re upset about the what he has done, at least you can progress to anger and move on from that. You can grieve for the relationship, and get over him.

Obsession
If you’re crying because you’re not with the jerk and you miss his company, the sex, how he made you feel, you will continue to obsess over him him and the relationship. Then you will start saying to yourself:

"It was probably me. I wasn't good enough for him. What if I had worn that sexy outfit instead of sweats the other night? Maybe I've been too busy at work. Maybe I'm not pretty or thin enough. On and on you will go, blaming yourself. What does she have that I don't have?

Emotional investment
Women have cried a lot of tears and obsessed about what should have been, could have been. Tears, upset, anger, blame, and shame are all natural when you break up with someone you’re emotionally invested in.

Deserve better
But if you're crying, ask yourself why you’re crying. If it’s because you miss him and want him badly but he’s a cheater and a liar, you need to look inside to see what kind of image you have of yourself. Maybe you think you don't deserve better.

If that is the case, you will be crying over the next man who will do the same thing to you. Until you get a sense of self-worth, you will be dumped and cheated on again.

Move on
If you say to yourself, "This guy got over on me. He wasn't who I thought he was. I'll let him go and get ready to attract someone who will really love me and will deserve my love. . . " you will be able to move on and chalk Mr. Badboy up to one of the casualties of the mating game.

The Bad Boy: The lust and the drama

"My niece had decided to cut off contact with her family to lay up with a lazy bum who doesn't want to work and had already fathered kids by at least 2 different women and doesn't support them. Before these twins (he is having with her) he has also an infant who may be about 1 now." This is what one of my friends wrote. She is taking care of that niece's child right now as the aftermath of her niece's bad choices.

Why do so many women turn their backs on their families so they can be with the "bad boys?"

Chasing Mr. Bad Boy
When we were little girls, none of us said, “Mama, when I grow up, I want to go out with a bad boy," yet oddly enough, many a woman has dedicated herself chasing and attempting to tame bad boys with more ferocity than they dedicate to their careers.

What's wrong with Mr. Nice?
The frightening thing is that women chase men that treat them mean , get hurt, but still won’t try a "nice" guy. When they do, the "nice" guy spends a lot of time working on and attempting to repair the damage created by her experiences with "bad" guys. The women that chase the bad guy often penalise the future partners for the bad choices that they’ve made in the past.

It hurts so good
I see so many women that appear to love to be treated badly, it’s bewildering. Why have some women become conditioned to believe that love comes in the form of a man that can't be good to her in any way, shape or form--except possibly in the bedroom? Is it possible that we have watched so many movies, read so many books, been impressionable so young, that we have become convinced that there must be a roller-coaster drama for it to constitute the big love and if there isn’t sparks flying and fireworks shooting out of our va-jay-jays when we get with a guy, then it can’t be meant to be?

Thrill of the chase
The reason why women chase bad boys may be because of the thrill of the chase, the occasional hints of a better character, and the twisted notion that these guys are "men."

Bad boys can manage to be nice to these women and give them just enough attention to keep them hanging on. The attention may come in the form of sex, gifts, taking them out from time to time, but then they disappear leaving the woman confused. There are bad boys who make the woman the legitimate girlfriend, but their behaviour makes it clear that they have other interests.

Nice friends
In my book, The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware, I address the weird notion that guys seem like more of a man when they treat you like crap. If a guy is really nice, women discard him into the "friend" pile with the word "nice" cropping up repeatedly. He’s also often completely disregarded as boring and some women will wonder if he’s gay because he’s being so nice. It seems that a guy can be "nice" but not nice to us in a relationship capacity.

If we have to work for his attention constantly and we’re never really quite sure of how he feels about us, we want him. It’s as if we have an in-built mechanism where the attraction seems to kick in when they guy is elusive, misbehaves, or just has a general disregard for us. All of this translates to exciting. The "nice"’ guy is made to feel inferior for having good intentions and the manners and respect he was raised with.

Ms. Fix-it
We need to let go of this idea that we can fix and change these bad guys. We need to develop self esteem. It is frightening to think that we would take a guy walking all over us and treating us like crap, over a man that wants to be nice to us. We thrive on drama but we need to switch our focus to building relationships with men that want to love us properly. If we changed our attitudes and addressed our individual fascinations with men that mistreat us, I think that we’d find that our eyes would open up to guys that aren’t creating a load of drama to keep us in their lives.

Soap operas
Lust, big ding-dongs, dependency, and even a misguided need to prove to yourself that you can nab him are just some of the reasons why a woman will keep chasing the drama. But these are not the foundations of solid relationships. It’s no wonder relationships fail and marriages fail. The very basis of our relationships is built on ridiculous, soap opera values.


For more info: See The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware.

First date: What not to say

Some people spew their guts on their first date: "I see a shrink twice a week, I have a hard time getting it up; I'm taking meds for depression; and how nervous I am because it's been so long since I've been on a date. These are all bad topics that you should avoid on a first date. If there's a questionable or uncomfortable problem that's on your mind, hold off on it until you get to know each other better.

Here are some definite no-no's:

Your exes
In my book, The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware, I talk about ScarMan. He rags on and on about his ex, whether she was a saint or a sinner. There's ScarBaby too, the lady who rants on and on about her ex, how he dumped her, mistreated her, abused her, etc. Your date's romantic fantasies about you will be overshadowed by images of that other "mate" whom you're still not over. Unless, of course, you have kids from your earlier marriage, and they're a big part of your life. Since that's something that might be a deal-breaker, and understandably so, mention it early on, but don't go on and on about how your kids are the better than anyone's.

Your sexual one-night-stands
Don't mess up a date by drinking too much and then telling your date about what a nympho you used to be, or how you used to sleep with anything that walked. No one needs you to overshare about the times you had casual sex with other people in the back seat of your Chevy!

Your messed-up childhood
If your childhood was unhappy, don't treat your date as a shrink and carry on about how mommy or daddy didn't love you. Save it for later, when you know each other better.

Your mental problems
Avoid mention of any psychopharmaceutical drugs you might be taking and how often you go to the shrink because you can't cope. I once went out with a man who told me on the first date, "I never do anything without calling my shrink first." That was good information. It let me know to pass on him for any future encounters.

No work or hate work
It's not a big turn on to learn that you have no visible means of support. You should mention that you don't have a 9-to-5 but also emphasize how you're looking for something new, have some great prospects, and are feeling hopeful about the future. And if you got a hefty severance check, or have a nice cushy amount saved up in the bank, go ahead and throw that in there, too.
If you do have a job, don't carry on too long about how you hate everyone there including your boss. Your date will wonder if it's you or them that has the problem.

Financial problems
Don't laugh over how broke you are and how you are maxed out on your credit cards. When you finally you do bring it up, and not on the first date, be sure to also talk about the plan you have to dig yourself out of the hole.

All of the above can make that first date be your last.

Office Romance: Should You?

If you are a single professional, you might spend more time at the office than at home. You are like a lot of single men and women who don't have the time to meet new people. You might be tempted to find potential partners within your environment -- the office.

Maybe you feel that work is a natural place to meet new people. After all, you spend at least 40 hours a week there. Relationships with co-workers can be especially tempting because the hourly demands don't leave much time for socializing outside.

According to a poll conducted by the Society for Human Resource Management, 58 percent of executives view office romances as unprofessional; 38 percent believe they end in disaster; and many more believe that they wreak havoc on morale. And, let's not forget that office affairs have the potential to lead to sexual harassment lawsuits.

A study by Vault.com shows that almost half of us have been romantically tied to someone at work and that workplace relationships often can be successful; roughly one-quarter result in long-term relationships and even marriage. So let me present to you the pros and cons of office romance:

Pros:
1. You save time and money by not having to search outside the premises.

2. You already have an idea of what he or she's is like because you have seen them in action over time. So there won't be unpleasant surprises.

Cons:
1. No matter how well the relationship is going, it can be disastrous if you have too much face time with each other. If you work together, go out together, have sex together, spend weekends together, it may be too much togetherness.

2. Office romances may interfere with your ability to perform your professional duties. Imagine telling your girlfriend or boyfriend that they're fired? Or being fired by your lover. You may be accused of conflict of interest or favoritism. This lowers everyone's morale. There's nothing worse than seeing a boss favoring another employee for sexual reasons.

3. If things don't work out, things can become awkward. You have both seen each other in the most intimate situations. Now there is a chill in the air between you. I have known many women through the years who have had to leave their jobs because an office romance went sour. When they have dated their bosses, they were fired after the end of the affair.

So do you think you can carry it off? You can if you don't come back together, disheveled after long lunches, with transcendent grins on your lipstick-smeared faces. Also, don't send romantic or sexy e-mail to each other through company e-mail. I can be checked and you can be fired.

If you are discreet, sensible, and take time to make sure the relationship will not interfere with the workplace, an office romance may be right for you.

Sex tapes: Rihanna, Paris, Pam

It's very simple: If you are a celebrity and you don't want the public to see you doing your private business--DO NOT MAKE A SEX TAPE. If you are a private individual be very careful too. Too many cases of embarrassing incidents happen if the relationship goes sour.

The sex tape brouhaha is so rampant, Wikipedia has a whole page devoted to it.

Of course we have Pam Anderson's tame and lame sex tape of her honeymoon with what's-his-name. I subjected myself to this sugar-coated, empty brained ordeal and wondered what all the fuss was about. Between them calling each other "Baby," every three seconds and jerky videos of the landscape, all I felt was disgust that I was wasting my time.

I also saw Paris Hilton's insipid "scandalous" video. I don't find brainless poseurs revealing their private parts sexy. Now, according to Gawker she supposedly has released a new sex tape.

The whole Rihanna/Chris Brown beat-down scandal is hard enough to take. Now Star Magazine is saying that Rihanna is afraid Chris is going to leak a sex tape of them doing the pee-pee dance for the world to see. The source went on to say, "Rihanna has no issues with her sexuality. But she'd be mortified if her friends and family found this out! This whole beating incident is terribly humiliating for her. She's already traumatized and will do anything to make it all go away as quickly as possible."

As MK says in Dlisted, "Let's be clear. If you make a sex tape then be prepared for it to get into the "wrong" hands--or the right ones if your aim is to make money off of it."

He observes astutely, "Okay, if you're a celebwh*re and your bare a** is in the air while a camera is recording, there's a good f**king chance that the eyes of many will see it. Don't lose your breath when it leaks, because you had it coming!

"If you're a narcissistic wh*re and need to see your sh*t doing f*cky stuff, just hook the camera up to the TV so you can watch without recording it. Or delete that sh*t right away. Be smart! But personally, watching myself doing that nasty sh*t is like watching a horror movie. It's not fun or stimulating. I learned things about my body I never wanted to know!"

This also goes for private individuals. Be careful about those sex tapes. I have heard too many stories of relationships gone south followed by revenge distribution of sex tapes.

I will discuss secret taping of sex--in which one of the participants doesn't even know it's happening, another time. Yes, that happens too. It has happened to a friend of mine and to many others.

The Dirty Seven Sisters

In the world of relationships and dating, often men catch the most flack. But women are no angels either. While the guys are more up-front about their total non-matability, these girls use the bait and switch tactics and their behavior only emerges after they have bagged you. Stay away from these Dirty Seven Sisters, stay away, unless you want a lifetime of misery and an empty bank account.
PMS Queen: Perpetually Menstrual Shrew. You walk on eggshells because she is either Pre-menstrual, Positively menstrual, or Post-menstrual--but any way you look at it, you are getting on her last nerve and she lets you know it.

Needee Nellie: Clingy, emotional black hole. Calls every 15 minutes to make sure you still love her. You are her life. Sits by the window waiting for you to come home, follows you around, goes to ball games and hunting trips with you even though she has no interest in them. Throws herself at you physically on the first date. Pulls the U-haul-It truck up to your place on the second date, ready to move in.

The Material Girl: All about money, goods, and appearances. 3 divisions: (1) Gimmie Monie: “Show me the money and that’s all!” (2)Prettie Pennie: “You better not mess up my hair, self-tanner, lip implants, nails, or makeup! I spent all day on them!” (3) Thingie Wingie: Material objects are the center of her life and conversation. Like the devout worshipper at the statue of her God, she lights a candle to the object of her reverence: Things.

Shopaholica: Always shopping for someone better. You’re good enough for a booty call but she is really looking for someone better than you and lets you know it often. When she is out with you, her eyes are all over the room, she’s hugging and kissing other guys, or talking about how “hot” someone else is.

Wedding Belle: Lives for the wedding; already naming the kids on the first date. Writing your last name and her first name together on the place mat. She wants the storybook wedding but what happens afterwards? You don’t ever get to see what happens after the happily ever after in a fairy tale: Baggy sweatpants, greasy hair stuck to her head, sitting on the couch reading romance novels.

The Mom: Knows best. You are just one of the kiddies who can't get it right. Momma knows best. I married Mrs. Right, Mrs. Always Right, 100% of the time. Granny panties, big maternity bras. Cleans up after you as you walk through the kitchen. Bossy in bed—down, up, faster, slower –here I’ll do it myself!

Psycho-babbler: Analyzes the relationship until it dies of dismemberment. Discusses it all until it is crushed beneath the weight of her endless talk. Super intense and emotionally fixated, she can become a stalker.

Do not get involved with these women. They will not get better with time. Think of them also as potential mothers for your children. That may put some reality into the situation when you are caught up in the hormonal rush.

For more insight into these love-spoilers, see my book Booby Trapped: Men Beware the Dirty Seven Sisters.

Where have all the good men gone?

As a woman of the times, you are intelligent, independent, and confident in your sexuality. But if you have been floating around on the dating scene, you might be asking yourself, “Where have all the good men gone?” From my many years of experience dating, mating, marrying, being friends with and divorcing men, I can tell you: It takes patience to find someone you can respect, whose heart is open to you, and you can be with without driving you up the wall.

Good mate-material is out there. But, while you are looking, don’t waste your time and money on The Dirty Seven. The Dirty Seven are dead-ends and no matter how much hope, love, and denial you throw in their direction, they won’t change. There’s have too much of a pay-off being the rotters they are.

Underlying Problem
The underlying problem with The Dirty Seven is a kind of selfishness that makes them incapable of giving your needs fair play. They lack empathy (the ability to put themselves in your shoes). They are looking for a relationship like you, but they are not capable of sustaining one.

Who are these Guys?
I categorized the Dirty Seven the way the scientist or naturalist describes species of insects or birds. They have stayed true to type for over twenty years of testing in the laboratory of society. Don’t give up your freedom and happiness for these guys. They will always put you and your needs second or last. Read for a brief description of who they are and what you can do about them.

1. ScarMan: Talks continuously about his ex and the past, to the exclusion of everything else, including you. You feel like saying, “Hello! You are out with me!”

If you want to feel first in a man’s heart, throw ScarMan back on the dating beach.

2. SideMan: Married or living with someone but looking for some excitement on the side, with no intention of creating a real relationship.

Walk away and don’t look back. He wants to use you. If it takes a lie, he will lie to get what he wants, without a thought for the pain he causes. Divorce is expensive, he loves his kids, and he wants the best of both worlds. Don’t think he will leave his wife for you.

3. CrazyMan: Has so many quirks, a hospital wing of psychotherapists couldn’t figure him out. He’ll drive you nuts if you give him a long-term try, so don’t start with him.

4. GuyMan: Likes guys better than girls but pretends to be straight. The fact that he is lying to you about it is what makes him one of The Dirty Seven.

Let him go on his journey of discovering his true identity without you.

5. YAPpie: (Young And Poor) have the benefit of youth on their side but not much else: No money and no job prospects. You pay for everything and drive him around too.

Do less for him. He is a species of parasite that survives by living off of women and will move on.

6. OLMan: (Old Loser Man) is the YAPpie, grown older but not wiser. He has not provided for his future. He is looking to you to do that for him. He was lazy, selfish, and clueless in his youth and has remained the same in his old age.

Do not get involved with him until you find out where and how he lives. Go there with him. If he is penniless, especially beware of how he lives.

7. BagMan: Difficult children from different marriages some of whom live with him, multiple alimony payments, and lots of bitterness over past woes are just some of the baggage this man brings to the relationship.

Give up on him before you are left holding the bag.

Good Guys

Let me reiterate, good guys are out there and are worth taking the time to find. The good mate thinks about the “us” before he thinks about himself. The relationship is foremost in his life and he shows you that it is. His life is not about his miserable self, self, self and he wants to do something to make things better in the world instead of being a drain on the system.

He takes care of himself because he has self-respect. Money is not what motivates him. His heart guides him. He lives his life with passion and is not a wound-licking victim or an ego-driven control freak. He understands the territory of love and shares it with you. He appreciates and respects you and you feel a warm glow of happiness when you think of him. He is the exact opposite of all of the Dirty Seven:

• The un-ScarMan: He is not stuck in the past and is here with you, now. He wants to learn about you because he is interested.
• The un-SideMan: He is devoted to you and not lots of chicks on the side. He puts his whole heart into your relationship.
• The un-CrazyMan: He has enough reference in reality to be able to share your world with enthusiasm. He is balanced and rational.
• The un-GuyMan: He is honest about his sexuality and loves you because you are a woman with a woman’s body.
• The un-YAPpie: He can support himself and does not expect you to be a Sugar Mama. He has plans and goals for what he wants from life and how he wants to contribute to others.
• The un-OLMan: He has had a life vision and continues to work on it, even when he is up in years. He can support himself and stays young-at-heart, though he has the wisdom that comes with age and experience.
• The un-BagMan: He might have some baggage, as everyone who has lived has, but he does not inflict it on you so that it takes over your life. He has handled it cleanly and fairly so that it does not keep coming back to haunt him and you.

So don’t be a wimp when one of the Dirty Seven comes your way. Only women with low self-esteem fall for these guys, or continue on with them when they find out what they really are. The Dirty Seven don’t get better. They don’t even want to get better. The payoff for being selfish is great for them. Only the woman loses in this situation. Even the sex sours when you lose complete respect for a man. Assert your strengthand move on to someone who has the ability to really love you!


For more info: See my books on relationships and dating: The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware and Booby Trapped: Men Beware the Dirty Seven Sisters.

Dimitri the Lover: SideMan Exposed

In my book The Dirty Seven: Ladies Beware, I list the seven types of men on the dating scene, who are dead ends as lovers, mates, or husbands. They are actively seeking a relationship with you, but are unable to sustain a happy one, for you. SideMan is one example.

SideMan is already in a relationship with someone else, and he either tells you about it up-front, or allows you to discover it on your own. If he tells you about it, he says he and his wife/live-in girlfriend live separate lives and they don't have sex. If he does not tell you, and you discover it, he says "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to lose you."

SideMen are abundant. They are looking for variety. A little something on the side. To spice up their day. Let's take the example of Canada's infamous Dimitri the Lover. He was a physician who came on to his female patients and lost his license as a result. Here is his explanation:

"At the time, I was married. And my wife was sexually dysfunctional, I had not had sex with her in a year and a half. It was a very tough time, I was very horned up. And I was busy, between that and working, so for me it was easy to hit on chicks that were patients."

Let's dissect his statement. He had not had sex with his wife for a year and a half. He blames his wife for this, not reflecting on how he contributed to the situation. Instead of attempting to fix the problem at home, he points the finger at the "dysfunctional" wife. As a physician, the only solution he could find was to get it on with women on the side.

"It was a tough time because I was very horned up." This is a plea for pity. We are supposed to feel sorry for him. This makes it all right that he abused the presumed relationship of trust between a doctor and a patient. But he was busy, so we should understand.

"And I was busy, between that and working . . ." Between what and working? Between being horned up and working? Too busy to sustain a mutually fulfilling relationship with someone I'm married to, or get out. So I will get off on the convenient slab of flesh at hand, my captive audience. Hey, it happens to be a patient who is depending on my services as an ethical practitioner. But I'm strapped for time and my horny little Willy is calling. Can't you idiots understand that?

". . . so for me it was easy to hit on chicks that were patients." Yes, it was easy. Some were ill and vulnerable. Besides, these patients were "chicks." What an educated, enlightened way to refer to the piece of meat you are hitting on because you are so horned up. Chicks and bulls. The poetry of the SideMan cannot be surpassed. He will bring you flowers too. But remember, you are always the action on the side to the SideMan.

Flavor of Lust 3

"Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places," might be the sub-title for VH1's show "Flavor of Love 3." As with "Rock of Love 2," this show's premise is that the star will find true love amidst a flurry of exposed breasts, mini skirts, and attention-getting tactics. Loud-mouthed self-aggrandizement and abject hero-worship make the contestants sillier and sillier each season. It's a mistake to think that the show has anything to do with love at all. That's one of the things that makes it funny.

Flavor Flav is a humorous guy, who seems to be in on the joke. Part of the fun is that he looks like a sea-monkey who needs re-hydration, while the girls are fawning all over him. Part of the fun is the absurd idea that love is based on contests of wit, skill, and exposed flesh. Did I say "wit?" There isn't much displayed. Lack of intelligence makes the show a comedy. Lack of emotional intelligence makes it a symbol for what is not working in today's dating and mating scene.

On the last episode, the mean-spirited "roast," in which the girls denigrated each other on stage, nobody came out looking good. At the end of the show, Flavor Flav announces, "One clock, two bodies left." He refers to the women as "bodies." Very appropriate. He bestows the clock on the winning "body" and the loser goes off shattered.

Nobody's relating on any level other than the most superficial. The women are willing to plunge their tongues into his mouth, rub up against him, and claim that he is their man. They are willing to say cutting and cruel things about each other to bolster their value in his eyes. It's the survival of the nastiest.

The fact that this is Flavor Flav's third attempt to find love this way is a statement in itself about the effectiveness of this method for finding a mate.

Rock of Lust 2

I love the entertaining craziness displayed on VH1's Rock of Love 2. Of course, it gives me lots of fodder for discussing what is twisted with the way our culture fantasizes about finding "true love."

The goal of developing mature, deep devotion on a "reality show" is as unreal as the bolted-on, half-cantaloupe fun-bags sported by most of the participants. Bret Michaels, the recipient of all the adulation and attention, is unreal too, with his heavily applied eyeliner and bandana'ed wig.

Here is the formula: Put 15 publicity obsessed media-hoes together and see if one can be the most self-debasing Barbie in the group. Strip, wash Bret's motorcycle with toothbrushes, strip some more, go on theme-dates such as rodeos and paint-ball battles, strip some more, vie with each other to make the least intelligent pronouncements, and strip some more.

At the end of the parade of open-mouth kissing and more exposed udders than a barnyard of milk-cows, Bret will find his life's mate! I love it because it demonstrates what I propose: How pathetically shallow and inept "dating" is as a means for making the deep connection that we know as true love.

On dates, even off TV, people are on their best behavior. Love is not about how people behave on dates. It's about how people behave when they have taken off their party hats and masks. It is about being able to live with a person on a daily basis, not just riding a Mazerati on a racetrack or jumping out of an airplane. (Sorry, that was Flavor of Love 3, which I will cover in another discussion.)

Of course dating is fun. But let's not confuse it with the complex give and take of a solid love relationship. Nevertheless, Rock of Love 2 is as hilarious as comedy can get.