Can you get STDs from Oral?

Some people think,"I won't catch a disease if we just indulge in oral sex." Sorry, in terms of disease, oral sex is as risky as regular sex.  Even though you're not exchanging bodily fluids through your genitals, your mouth is as just as ready to be an STD sandwich. New research shows it can even cause cancer. Here are some things to consider when you’re going down.

Warts and cancer
Just last year—in addition to gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, HIV/AIDS, HIV, trichomoniasis, syphilis, and hepatitis—HPV, aka genital warts, reared its ugly head in throat cancer statistics. Since the ‘70s, cases of the cancer in the ol’ pipes have risen 39 percent, and doctors found HPV, contracted through oral sex, to be the cause. 

Dam it!
One way doctors are recommending to prevent the spread of STDs through oral sex is to use a condom the way a dentist uses a dental dam when you are getting a root canal. Whoah! That doesn't sound too sexy, does it? The instructions are to hold the dental dam over your mouth—not over his johnson or her va-jay-jay—and proceed from there. Honestly, if you have to go through all that, it's better to avoid it altogether,  until you know each other and even have seen medical reports that  you both check out OK for STDs.

Don't let it sit
Stanford University recommends you “swallow or spit, just don’t let it sit.” You’ve got to limit your mucus membrane (mouth, penis, and vag) contact with semen. In the case of females, if he does finish in your mouth, get rid of it fast. Your best bet is to have him make a big splash elsewhere. Ask your partner to give you the head’s up when he’s about blow. Then, offer him a sexy alternative space to show off his finale. 

Know each other
So unless you feel comfortable getting out the rubber-works when it's time to go down, my advice is to only do it with people you know and trust are disease-free. Since Bill Clinton did not think oral sex was technically sex, people have followed suit and think, "I won't have sex with them because that might be risky but I'll do oral with them because it's safe." Not!!

This is one of the reasons I advocate sexual relations in the context of a loving and caring relationship--not just getting your rocks off with a stranger in the heat of the moment. It may be fun for a few minutes and you may pay for it for the rest of your life.

Why women need cuddling

I have hear men complain that they don't understand why women always want to cuddle. One man asks: "What is it with all this cuddling my girlfriend wants to do? I don't understand the whole idea about cuddling." 

Cuddling releases pair-bonding hormone
Lots of men don't understand why women like to cuddle. But they need to understand that the act of cuddling releases a hormone calledoxytocin, sometimes called the "cuddling hormone.” Oxytocin is responsible for pair bonding, which means it makes the cuddling couple feel closer and more intimate. It helps to create a bond between a man and a woman. 

Survival
In survival terms, a woman wants to create this pair bond in order to get the man to commit to her and their offspring. Even if your woman isn’t trying to marry you and start bearing your babies, she is likely still drawn to create an emotional bond with you and this kind of physical intimacy is a good way to do it.

Men's brain chemicals
The reason men don't cuddle that much relates to the hormones men's brains release after sex. As a man has an orgasm, a variety of brain chemicals are released including the hormone prolactin. Prolactin has a strong connection to sleep so its presence is probably responsible for a man’s tendency to roll over and go to sleep after sex. The release of prolactin also indicates the beginning of the “recovery time” that men have to take before having sex again. Women often don’t require any such time-out after having an orgasm.

Feel-good hormones
Oxytocin is released in men's brains, just as it is in the female brain, along with other feel-good hormones that will leave you feeling happy and less stressed. A 2006 study by the Berman Center for Women's Health in Chicago showed that couples who regularly indulge in spontaneous, non-sexual physical affection are more satisfied with their relationships. 

So cuddle if you would like your woman to feel closely connected and peaceful with you. You will see the benefits in terms of increased sexual satisfaction as she appreciates you more for understanding her cuddling needs.

 

Want a boy? Eat Bananas

What a woman eats before pregnancy can influence the gender of her baby, according to research.
These 3 factors raise the odds of having boys:

--Having a hearty appetite
--Eating potassium-rich foods, including bananas
--Not skipping breakfast

"This fits with evidence from test tube fertilization that male embryos thrive best with longer exposure to nutrient-rich lab cultures," said Dr. Tarun Jain. He is a fertility specialist at University of Illinois.

"It just might be that it takes more nutrients to build boys than girls," he said. University of Exeter researcher Fiona Mathews, said the findings also fit with fertility research showing that male embryos aren't likely to survive in lab cultures with low sugar levels. Skipping meals can result in low blood sugar levels.

The research involved about 700 first-time pregnant women in the United Kingdom who didn't know the sex of their fetuses. They were asked about their eating habits in the year before getting pregnant.

Among women with the highest-calorie intake before pregnancy (but still within a healthy range), 56 percent had boys, versus 45 percent of the women with the lowest-calorie intake.
Women who ate at least one bowl of breakfast cereal daily were 87 percent more likely to have boys.

Compared with the women who had girls, those who had boys ate an additional 300 milligrams of potassium daily on average, "which links quite nicely with the old wives' tale that if you eat bananas you'll have a boy," Mathews said.

Women who had boys also ate about 400 calories more daily than those who had girls, on average, she said.

Love and Weight: Fat and Happy

People usually lose weight in the first few weeks of a new relationship. Eating a lot seems besides the point as they float in a dream of bliss. Also, appetite-suppressing adrenaline is pumping through their bodies and they are motivated to look good for their new love.

But I have noticed that after a few months, people in a cozy relationship start gaining pounds. A study from the University of North Carolina found that, over the course of five years, women in relationships in their late teens and early twenties put on more weight than single girls do.
And the stronger the bond, the greater the weight gain: Women who live with their men see the scale climb three additional pounds, and those who get married add an extra nine.

Why the poundage?
When you’re in love, “You consume 35 percent more food when you eat with someone you like,” says Brian Wansink, PhD, author of Mindless Eating. Then there are those bottles of romantic bottles of wine that you wouldn't drink on your own. “Unfortunately, the booze adds calories, lowers your willpower, and makes you more prone to diet-wrecking late-night eating,” says NYC nutritionist Martha McKittrick.

“After you’ve been in love for six months or so, the bonding hormone oxytocin takes over,” says psychologist Belisa Vranich. “It triggers cravings for comfort foods.” Comfort foods are fatty foods" ice cream, pizza, chips with lots of guacamole, mozzarella sticks, fries, popcorn with lots of butter, anything with lots of butter.

Skipping the gym
On top of that, skipping your Saturday morning gym routine to snuggle in bed, accelerates the downward spiral. Now, not only are you not moving enough but you need to have a romantic breakfast, with all the trimmings afterwards. Yes, sex burns calories, but not like a spinning or aerobics class. Before long, pounds are piling on.

Trouble ahead
Now trouble can brew in the relationship. “You think, I can pack on a few because he loves me for who I am,” says Vranich. “But your guy’s worrying that if he stays with you, you’ll balloon even more.” Also studies have shown that women's self esteem about their bodies plummet and make them feel self-conscious their bodies and thus be less provocative in bed.

Men can eat more
"Men require 25 to 40 percent more calories than women do, so take a third less than his portion,” advises McKittrick. Adds Wansink: “Studies show that the more attention a woman pays to how much she consumes on a date, the less she’ll eat. So right away understand that you are not created equal at the dinner table. A man's metabolism will burn up the fat faster than a woman's.

Work it
So don't skip your favorite kickboxing class, just because you are in love. Involve each other in active dates, like hiking, running, or biking. Couples who resolved to improve their eating and exercise habits together were shown to lose weight and maintained a healthy lifestyle 16 months later.

On the Down Low: The Fourth of the Dirty Seven

I accept all kinds of lifestyles, as long as innocent people aren’t hurt and nobody is forced to do anything against their wills. But GuyMan, the fourth of The Dirty Seven, does hurt people because he is not straight about his sexual preference. GuyMan is on the Down Low. He is out there trying or pretending to be sexually attracted to women. He puts on a good act or he attempts, hopefully, to be what he is not. The fact that he is gay is not the problem. The fact that he is lying to you and to himself about it is what makes him one of The Dirty Seven.

He finds you attractive and interesting and thinks he can overcome his basic lack of interest in women sexually. So he dates you, hoping he might be able to stomach you when those intimate moments come up. He knows he can fantasize that he is with a man during sex, especially if he wants children. But if you have ever been with a man who loves women, you will be aware that something is lacking. In time you will question your attractiveness as a woman. You might think it is your fault.

Some GuyMen are ashamed of their gayness and hide it because of how society has treated gays in the past. Some hide it because their dream has always been to have a family with kids. So they get married. They do not let the woman know they are gay. Or, if they make a last-minute confession, say that they were once gay, but have completely changed. They hope they can contain the volcano that surges beneath the surface. One day, it erupts and blows the illusion out of the water. By then you have already invested time, money and life in a dream that turned into a nightmare.

Normalville
Some GuyMen really want families and the whole package of normalcy. They are natural fathers and nurture the best in their children. They love and cherish the whole concept of the family unit. The only thing about it they can’t get into is the way their wife’s body is shaped. If only she had pecs-of-steel and a penis!

In bed he is more affectionate than passionate (unless he pretends you are a guy). But your breasts and hips make it difficult sometimes. He is very helpful in household matters. But something is missing. His heart may be with you, but his body is with Bobby. Bobby’s that cute construction worker with the killer biceps building your deck. You see GuyMan’s eyes light up when Bobby walks by. He never looks at you that way. You are competing with another guy and you lose!

What Can You Do? Nothing!
You can do nothing to change GuyMan’s sexual orientation. But you can walk out on him for fooling you about who he really is. As with all of The Dirty Seven, his is an issue of character. It is about deception in this case, even if he means you no harm. You might not know what he really is until it is too late. He fooled you, even if he acted sympathetic and was fun to be with. Sometimes he doesn’t even know he is fooling himself, he wants so badly to look heterosexual.

Wish Him “Bon Voyage”
Let him go on his own journey of discovery without you. You were only a prop anyway. I know. He had feelings for you. But it was more like affection for a sister. Waiting around for him to get over this “phase he’s going through,” is the deluded behavior of a woman who isn’t ready for a fully sexual relationship with a man. It is like standing at the edge of the desert and waiting for it to turn into a garden.

What is DL Culture?
The Down Low is a special organized, underground subculture largely made up of black men who otherwise live straight lives. Most date or marry women and engage sexually with men they meet only in anonymous settings like bathhouses and parks or through the Internet. Many of these men are young and from the inner city, where they live in a exaggeratedly masculine ''thug'' culture. Other DL men form romantic relationships with men and may even be peripheral participants in mainstream gay culture, all unknown to their colleagues and families.

What is the Down Low?
DL culture has grown, in recent years, out of the shadows and developed its own contemporary institutions, for those who know where to look: Web sites, Internet chat rooms, private parties and special nights at clubs. Over the same period, Down Low culture has come to the attention of alarmed public health officials, some of whom regard men on the DL as an infectious bridge spreading H.I.V. to unsuspecting wives and girlfriends. In 2001, almost two-thirds of women in the United States who found out they had AIDS were black.

If the Center for Disease Control is right that nearly 1 in 3 young black men who have sex with men is H.I.V.-positive, then women in relationships with men on the down low better take care.

According to one source many DL guys are in a never-ending search for the roughest, most masculine, ''straightest looking'' DL top. One man on the DL explains: ''Part of the attraction to thugs is that they're careless and carefree. Putting on a condom doesn't fit in with that. A lot of DL guys aren't going to put on a condom, because that ruins the fantasy.'' It also shatters the denial -- stopping to put on a condom forces guys on the DL to acknowledge, on some level, that they're having sex with men.

In 1992, E. Lynn Harris -- then an unknown black writer -- self-published ''Invisible Life,'' the fictional coming-of-age story of Raymond Tyler, a masculine young black man devoted to his girlfriend but consumed by his attraction to men. For Tyler, being black is hard enough; being black and gay seems a cruel and impossible proposition. Eventually picked up by a publisher, ''Invisible Life'' went on to sell nearly 500,000 copies, many purchased by black women shocked at the idea that black men who weren't effeminate could be having sex with men.

"I was surprised by the reaction to my book,'' Harris said. ''People were in such denial that black men could be doing this. Well, they were doing it then, and they're doing it now.''

That behavior has public health implications. A few years ago, the data started rolling in, showing increasing numbers of black women who weren't IV drug users becoming infected with H.I.V. While some were no doubt infected by men who were using drugs, experts say many were most likely infected by men on the Down Low. Suddenly, says Chris Bell, a 29-year-old H.I.V.-positive black man from Chicago who often speaks at colleges about sexuality and AIDS, DL guys were being demonized. They became the ''modern version of the highly sexually dangerous, irresponsible black man who doesn't care about anyone and just wants to get off.'' Bell and others say that while black men had been dying of AIDS for years, it wasn't until ''innocent'' black women became infected that the black community bothered to notice.

Still, for all the defiance that DL culture claims for itself, for all the forcefulness of the ''never apologize, never explain'' stance, a sense of shame can hover at the margins. It's the inevitable price of living a double life. Consider these last lines of a DL guy's online profile. ''Lookin 4 cool ass brothers on tha down low. . . . You ain't DL if you have a V.I.P. pass to tha gay spot. . . . You aint DL if you call ur dude 'gurl.' . . . Put some bass in ur voice yo and whats tha deal wit tha attitude? If I wanted a broad I would get one -- we both know what we doin is wrong.''

Not Tonight Baby Girl: Top 10 Reasons Men Don't Want Sex

"What's wrong with him? My man doesn't want to have sex. Don't all men want sex?" This is what one friend asked me the other day. That's a common misunderstanding and it's based on the mistaken belief that men are wired to want sex any time they can get it.

Here's a list of ten common reasons why men may not want sex:
1. Medications: Antidepressants (SSRI-type) and antihypertensives (blood pressure medication) are often the culprit when a man has a lowered interest in sexual activity. These can also cause sexual dysfunction. This is listed as reason #1 in my previous article "Not tonight, honey: The top 10 reasons women don't want sex."

2. Lack of sleep: When a man is in his teens or twenties, the opportunity to have sex will often overwhelm the desire to sleep. This is often true also when a relationship is brand new. But, as people and relationships age, sex can lose its urgent nature and a good night's rest can be quite tempting.

3. Hormonal levels: The most important physiological stimulant of sexual desire is testosterone. Also, too much prolactin and SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin) can suppress sexual desire. So when a hormonal reason is suspected, these are the blood tests to have (in order of importance): free testosterone, prolactin, SHBG, and total testosterone. It's interesting because the same is true for women.

4. Identity issues: When men feel uncertain about their role in the world, their desire for sex can decline. Depression may be linked to this, and feeling overwhelmed with worry. Identity issues can crop up when he has issues at work or is out of work, faces the death of an important family member, becomes disheartened about a formerly held strong belief, and questions his understanding of his own sexual orientation -- to name a few.

5. Turn-off to aspects of sex: He may feel criticized or treated unfairly. It may just seem like too much "work." He may have sexual interests that he knows or fears his partner may not share.

6. Interpersonal difficulties: When there are major disagreements between themselves and their partner, many men will avoid sex or just plain refuse their partner's advances. Some men punish their partner by withholding sex, but for others it's not a matter of punishment, they just cannot have sexual feelings when there are unresolved conflicts.

7. Stress: Stress comes in many forms and may stem from: financial difficulties, personal or family member illness, challenges at work, parenting dilemmas, and issues involving extended family members. Of course, there are many more sources of stress. Stress negatively impacts women's sexual desire as well.

8. Masturbation: that replaces partnered sex. Researchers in this field found that many men who might not have sought out magazines, videos, movies, have found their way to porn online. For some couples, this can be a problem, because the man has spent himself on his fantasy instead of on partnered sex.

9. Fear of intimacy: He's afraid to get involved with all the emotions that occur in a sexual relationship. He'd rather see you as a sister or mother and he can't have sex with his sister or mother. It doesn't feel right, so he avoids it.

10. Difficulties functioning sexually: Many men who have erectile dysfunction or believe that they ejaculate too soon, too late, or not at all, will avoid having sex with their partner. They don't want to look like "failures" so they choose to avoid being sexual at all.

So ladies, please don't criticize, belittle, or make jokes about his manhood when he does not want sex. That will definitely wilt him faster than an ice-cream cone melts in August. If you understanding the above causes can help you improve or remove the problem altogether.

Not Tonight Honey: Top 10 Reasons Women Don't Want Sex

10 reasons hit the top of the charts when when women say, "Not tonight, honey," according to researchers:
1. Use of oral contraceptives. Some women's sexual drive is decreased by the Pill (or any of the other hormonal approaches to birth control -- patch, ring, and shot).

2. Use of antidepressants. Prozac, Elevil, Paxil, etc., have been known to lower the sex drive of its users and to increase body weight, which impacts reason #10, body image.

3. Breastfeeding. Prolactin (the hormone that facilitates breastfeeding) decreases sexual interest. Plus a woman is sometimes reluctant to share her breasts with a man after the baby has been sucking on them for milk.

4. Lack of sleep. For most women, sleep comes before sex once the relationship has been established. This is a very common problem in today's sleep-deprived society.

5. Stress. Due to work, financial issues, educational stress, extended family, and other important issues in life. When stress is increased, many women do not see sex as a solution to it, it is just one more thing to take care of and clean up after.

6. Fights with their mate. Conflicting feelings and desires can play themselves out in refusing sex. A woman does not feel all warm and cuddly after continuous arguments.

7. Low levels of free testosterone. While knowing the level of total testosterone in the bloodstream can be helpful, finding out the free testosterone is very essential to discovering the possible physiological causes of low sexual desire.

8. High levels of SHBG. A woman with high levels of sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG), may have low sexual interest. This is because it combines with free testosterone (making it "unavailable") and that decreases libido.

9. Fear of intimacy. The inability to handle the level of intimacy that sex brings and maintains in a relationship is a very common reason for a decrease in sexual desire for one's partner.

10. Body image. Women who view themselves as unattractive to their mate and/or in their own mind's eye.

So if your girlfriend or wife has been turning over and going to sleep instead of having fun with you, check into the above reasons. Some of them can be solved medically. Some can be solved by a heart-to-heart talk, and others by taking care of the physical effects of exhaustion and poor body image by getting into a life pattern that includes enough rest and exercise.

Sleeping with the enemy: Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)

Each year, roughly 19 million people in the U.S. contract a sexually transmitted disease, says the Center for Disease Control. About half are between the ages of 15 and 24.

Now, a new study has determined that your sexual partner’s activities predict your STD risk better than your own. The phrase "sleeping with the enemy" has taken on a whole new meaning because this study shows that a sexual partner’s activities may have more to do with whether or not you gets an STD than your own behavior.

Participants in the study included 412 black and white men and women ages 15 to 24 who attended an urban STD clinic in Pittsburgh. All reported having had heterosexual sex.

Researchers measured six characteristics to calculate the risk of a sexual partner:
• The partner had a problem with marijuana or alcohol.
• The partner was at least five years older or younger.
• The partner had been in jail.
• The partner had had sex with other people in the past year.
• The partner had had an STD in the past year.

Researchers asked participants about their sexual characteristics and their partners’ characteristics. Among those whose partners’ activities were labeled as high risk, 53% were diagnosed with an STD. Among those whose own behavior was labeled as high risk, 38% were diagnosed with an STD.
The riskiest characteristics were age difference and if the partner had had an STD in the past year.

“If you are choosing high-risk partners, you are much more likely to have an STD, even when we account for your condom-use patterns,” Stephanie A.S. Staras, lead author and an assistant professor of epidemiology and health policy research in the University of Florida College of Medicine, says in a written statement.

“The theory is simple: You need to have sex with someone who has an STD to get an STD. Based on the prevalence of STDs in the United States, it seems like the public may not fully understand their risk.”

10 Health Benefits of Sex

Did you know that good sex is good for your health too? Each of these 10 health benefits of sex is backed by scientific data:

1. Sex Relieves Stress and Lowers Blood Pressure
. . .according to researchers from Scotland who reported their findings in the journal Biological Psychology. They studied 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity. Then the researchers subjected them to stressful situations, such as speaking in public, and noted their blood pressure response to stress.

Those who had intercourse had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained. Another study published in the same journal found that loving-partner sex was associated with lower diastolic blood pressure. Other research found a link between partner hugs and lower blood pressure in women.

2. Sex Boosts Immunity
Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections. Scientists at Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre, Pa., took samples of saliva, which contain IgA, from 112 college students who reported the frequency of sex they had. Those in the "frequent" group -- once or twice a week -- had higher levels of IgA than those in the other three groups.

3. Sex Burns Calories
Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.

4. Sex Improves Heart Health
Researchers found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.

5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem
Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist in Cambridge, Mass., says, "One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves. Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it."

6. Sex Improves Bonding and Trust
Having sex increases levels of the hormone oxytocin, the so-called love hormone, which helps us bond and build trust. "Oxytocin allows us to feel the urge to nurture and to bond," Britton says. Higher oxytocin has also been linked with a feeling of generosity. So if you're feeling suddenly more generous toward your partner than usual, credit the love hormone.

7. Sex Reduces Pain
As the hormone oxytocin surges, endorphins increase, and pain declines. So if your headache, arthritis pain, or PMS symptoms seem to improve after sex, you can thank those higher oxytocin levels.

8. Sex Reduces Prostate Cancer Risk
Australian researchers reported in the British Journal of Urology International followed men diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without. They found that men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third.
Another study, reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that frequent ejaculations, 21 or more a month, were linked to lower prostate cancer risk in older men, as well, compared with less frequent ejaculations of four to seven monthly.

9. Sex Strengthens Pelvic Floor Muscles
For women, sex strengthen the pelvic floor area and helps to minimize the risk of incontinence later in life.

10. Sex Helps You Sleep Better
The oxytocin released during sex also promotes sleep, according to research. And getting enough sleep has been linked with a full range of other benefits, such as maintaining a healthy weight and blood pressure.

So you are doing something good for yourself when you are engaged in healthy, loving sex. What a great excuse to have more!